I believe very strongly in the importance of forgiveness.

A personal story:  In my second year of Bible College, I lived in the college residence and I roomed with a guy I’ll call Dwight (I’m not going to give his actual name).  Dwight and I became friends and he was a pretty good guy.  Dwight and I decided we wanted to get a private phone line rather than being restricted to the payphone in the dormitory and so him and I agreed to share the costs of doing so.   I agreed to be the one who would pay the bills and so every month he would give me his portion of the bill (including long-distance charges) and I would keep it in my desk drawer until I paid the bill.

One month I had his portion of the bill in my desk drawer and some other cash that I was going to take to the bank the following day to make a deposit.  I remember that I had about $85 in the desk drawer.   When I went to get the money the following day to take to the bank on my way to work it wasn’t there!  Thinking that maybe I misplaced it, I looked all over but to no avail.  Needless to say I felt pretty sick to my stomach as now there wasn’t enough money to pay the phone bill and my bank account - well, as typical college students will understand - my bank account was “in-sufficient”.   I felt pretty sick going to work that day but resolved that I’ll give another thorough look when I came home later.

Dwight and I both had part-time jobs at college.  I worked at a grocery store, he worked at a men’s clothing store.  I have to confess I was a bit jealous of Dwight’s situation in that I had to go to work to help pay for college.  He didn’t have to work but was simply doing it for some extra spending money.

Dwight liked to dress well and the job at the clothing store was a good fit for him - he would often come home with a new shirt or some pants that he had bought.  So at first I didn’t think anything of it when he came home from work that night with a brand new coat.  I asked him if he remembered seeing where I had placed the money and his reply was that all he remembered is that I put it where I usually put it.  Now, as I said, he came home with a new coat and I wouldn’t have made any connection with that and the money missing (he was a pretty good friend - at Bible College!) except that Dwight said something that stuck in my mind that night.  He said something along the lines of, “I know what you’re thinking - where did I get the money for this coat…” Well I wasn’t thinking that, but anyway, “…there was a special contest for employees at my job and whoever made the most sales in the week won $90 to spend in the store on what they want.”   Of course I quickly reassured Dwight that any thoughts of him stealing the money were the furthest thing from my mind, and they were - until time went on.

I ended up borrowing some money to pay for the phone bill the next day and pretty much gave up on finding out where the $85 had gone.  However, as the week continued I noticed things had changed in the friendship between Dwight and I,  he seemed to avoid me and wasn’t in our room as much as he usually was.  Our conversations were briefer than usual - a quick hi or bye would be the norm.  And then, the words he had said that night when he came home from work kept going over in over in my mind and I began to suspect that Dwight had maybe taken the money after all.

Finally, I decided to give Dwight’s store a call and see if there had been a contest at the store.  At the very least that would indicate whether Dwight was telling me the truth.  During the phone call not only did I find out that Dwight had not won any contest but also that he had been fired earlier that week!  Needless to say I was now pretty angry at my roommate.

To make a long story short,  I reported my findings to the Dean of Students and sometime that week they called in Dwight. When confronted with what had been discovered he confessed to stealing the money.

I know what it’s like to have someone betray your confidence and take advantage of you.  I know what it’s like when someone hurts you.  Granted, my story here is nowhere near some of the more tragic stories I’ve encountered in my ministry - like the stories of people being sexually, physically or emotionally abused, either as a child or as an adult.   But nevertheless this occurrence in my life taught me much of the importance of forgiveness.  When I found out what Dwight had done to me I felt awful - I was mad, I was wanting to “get back at him”,  and I was gloating in the punishment that would be doled out to him.  Dwight did receive a suspension from the college (”suspension”?  He should be expelled, permanently! was my thinking) and he was to move out later that week.   Dwight paid me back the money.

I should have felt better that justice was being done - but I didn’t.  I was still burning with anger towards him.  I was still hurt.  While all this was happening I struggled to find time to spend with God.  However, one day I got up early and went to the prayer room on our floor and  started reading Mark 11.  Then I came to these words:

Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.
And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins. – Mark 11:24-25

Then I wept.  I wept because I was hurt so bad by what Dwight had done and yet confronted by the Word of God telling me to forgive him.  Why should I?  I went through all the excuses for not forgiving…

• “If I forgive, I’m saying what was done to me is okay”
• “He doesn’t deserve it”
• “Why should I ease his suffering by forgiving - how do I even know he’s truly sorry for what he did?”

But in that time of weeping and frustration before God I couldn’t escape the one truth that stuck out.  God forgave me.  All the excuses for not forgiving Dwight are the same excuses God could have used, but He didn’t.  In withholding forgiveness from Dwight I was really saying I don’t believe God forgave me.   I finally understood what Jesus was teaching in that verse.  As Christians, you are what you believe.  If we believe in the grace and mercy of God - if we believe he has forgiven us our sins in spite of the fact we don’t deserve it - then it must be what we practice as well.

Forgiveness is not saying what was done is okay!  Forgiveness is not dependent on a person first saying sorry!  Did Jesus say to the adulterer that he rescued from being stoned to death that it was okay to keep on doing what she had done?  No, he said, “Go and sin no more”.  On the other hand did Jesus ask that same woman if she wanted Him to forgive her - to go to the cross to die for her?

Here’s the thing with forgiveness, God forgave - it’s up to us to receive His forgiveness,  to repent.  When we forgive it’s the same way.  People may choose to receive that forgiveness or not - but it is in our power, and our responsibility to forgive - for our own sake!

When Dwight walked into our room to pick up his stuff it was a tense moment.  But I looked at him, and I said, “Dwight, I am disappointed and extremely hurt that you did what you did - it will not be something I’ll easily forget, but you need to know that I forgive you.”  I’m not going to tell you everything that happened that day but I will tell you this.  From that moment on, the anger was gone, the desire for revenge was gone, the hurt was gone - I saw Dwight, not as someone who had hurt me, but someone who was hurting.   I truly hoped that his life would get better not worse and I experienced for the first time the incredible difference forgiveness makes!

I learned an important lesson that year about the importance of forgiveness - a lesson I have not forgotten.